The Special Elf

Nov 22, 2017 Uncategorized

by ssenior

Why one Elf is more “special than all of the others”

– a cautionary tale regarding safety.

One balmy day, during Santa’s off season (when the Elves had some extra down time), the Elves decided to make a road trip (Insert road trip photos). They packed their sacks tightly in preparation – first the boards, then kites and necessary travel gear. While all of the other Elves were packing, Shine, the brightest Elf, decided to dip into Santa’s ‘nog. Well, as we all know, Santa makes the most delicious ‘nog around and Shine just couldn’t govern the throttle. One-two, one-two, and through-and-through, Shine had downed the entire private reserve that Santa had been saving for Christmas. Shine guzzled enough ‘nog to put down an entire team of reindeer and make Mrs. Claus look like a supermodel. The entire special ‘nog reserve had been depleted while the road trip was nearing its destination (the Florida Keys!!).

The sun had set and the ‘nog had rendered Shine even more uncoordinated than he already was. It has also given him thoughts of grandeur. Incredibly, Shine actually thought he could boost. These thoughts of grandeur prompted Shine to initiate his own ‘sesh. He sprinkled some fairy dust on his board, a little more on his kite, and some on his rash guard and a few sprinkles down the front of his jams. He dashed out the door, past the reindeer, leaving all of the elves behind. Shine was going to attempt to deliver all of the toys way in advance ….and all by himself!

One of the other elves (name left out in an attempt to avoid defamation of elven character) had followed and finally caught up. That Elf, (we will call him Brine) called out to Shine, ” Shine , what in Sam hell do you think you are doing?” Shine exclaimed in an unintelligible slur of stale eggnog, “I’m bringing toys to all the boys and girls… EARLY!! And I CAN BOOST!!! Give me a launch….toss up my D@^N Kite and I’m off!!”

Well , Brine knew this was not a good idea. He believed Shine was a proficient kiter, but did not know how much ‘nog Shine had consumed. Brine launched Shine, and in a whirlwind of pixie dust and eggnog, ass over tea kettle, Shine went bouncing down the limestone and gravel beach. Bonk! Kerplunk! …on his head and bum. Shine did not deploy his safety leash and in a ‘nog-induced stupor, “‘nog throttled ” his control bar, which only made matters worse. Needless to say, this was a terrible idea.

The incident had left its mark on Shine and transformed Shine into the most “special” of all Elves. Most of all this incident had provided Santa with a cautionary tale to pass on to all of the other Elves…..”stay within your limits. Know your safety exits and devices. Steer clear of special Elves whilst kiting. Try to impart compassion and safety standards among our fellow kiters. And most importantly, be a good steward. Leave no trash behind, and pick up trash that other bad elves forget. Do your part!!”

OH yeah….and if you see Shine on the beach (easy to recognize with special helmet), give him a wink and a pat on the back..let him know how “special” he is. Let him believe that he can actually boost!! But give him a wide berth and don’t feed him ‘nog whilst kiting.